Garfield Sucks

Okay, we normally don't criticize animals on this blog, but in this case we feel it is warranted--and besides, Garfield is animated and not a real cat.

The new Garfield movie is craptacular, and not in a "so bad it's good" way but in a "so bad that it smells like used kitty litter" way. RottenTomatoes.com has tracked it with a lousy 12% approval rating, making it one of the worst-reviewed flicks of the year.

Now, you might ask why we care so much. After all, we could've just ignored the horrible Garfield's A Tale of Two Kitties and let is slink quickly to video. Well, here's why we care:

• First of all, we believe that in some Hollywood office suite occupied by an eight-figure exec, the following words were spoken about 18 to 24 months ago: "Well, sure the first Garfield movie sucked--but animal lovers will buy tickets for any piece of crap with a cat or dog on the screen, so let's make another!" We believe that pet lovers (not to mention pets themselves) are deserving of more effort from Hollywood than this terrible quickie.
• Secondly, Garfield is voiced by Bill Murray, and that means Murray fans (if there are any, still) might be tempted to show up. So, here it is Bill Murray fans: Don't do it! You've been forewarned. (And here's a special note to Bill, since we're sure he's a regular visitor to this blog: This is how you chose to invest the buzz you rightly earned from "Lost in Translation"?!? Is there some Oscar about which we are unaware--"Lifetime Achievement Award for Wasting True Talent"?)
• Lastly, we believe those responsible for insulting our intelligence deserve to be publicly outed, so here are people and organizations you should curse and may choose to avoid in the future: 20th Century Fox, the inappropriately named Ingenious Film Partners, Director Tim Hill, and Writers Joel Cohen and Alec Sokolow. Heck, this movie is so bad, we're even going to spread some shame to the Key Grip: Michael Alexonis. (Sorry Michael, we're sure you're a talented and hard-working guy based on your numerous credits, but there's so much Garfield blame to spread around!)

Just so we're clear: None of us is going to see, rent, or even think about Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties, right? If so, perhaps the next movie Hollywood offers us with a pet star will be one conceived with quality and art in mind and not just profit.